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I almost happily dragged the trash bags out to the industrial garbage can and threw them in. This was it. My self-mutilation process had begun. My weight quickly and agonizingly burned away. Every time I felt like eating, I looked at myself in the mirror and mentally cursed myself. ‘How dare you crave food, you fat little whore!’ my mind continually screamed through time. Within a matter of weeks, I was down to 110 pounds. The more I looked at my thinning figure, the more I enjoyed it. As my weight slowly withered away, my strength did also. But I didn’t care. I deserved it, so I thought. I couldn’t even begin to count all of the times James had called me fat and lazy over the time we had been together. Now that I was neither, the irony laid in the fact that he wasn’t able to see it. Yet. I became shamefully innovative during this time when I was thinking of ways to null the pain. I had seen and heard so many stories about how women dealt with pain in such sick, destructive ways. But. Aur mene kaise apni life me pehli baar teen lund apni choot aur gaand me dalwae.Mere bf ka naam ramesh hai wo mujhse jyada mere jism se pyar krta hai aur ye mujhe bhali bhanti pata hai ki ye mujhe use krke dumb kr dega. Asal me mein bhi yahin chahti thi ki uss se pind chuth jae aur mein kisi dusre ko pata lu. Aur hua bhi yahi usne mujhe apne dosto ke sath use krke breakup kr liya mein mentally prepared thi iss baat ko leke ki aisa hi hoga isliye mujhe dukh nai hua. Khiar ab kahani par aati hoon ek din ramesh ne mujhe mere ghar se pick kiya aur bola chalo kahin ghumne chlate hai mene haami bhar di jane ke liye mene us samay tight kurti and leggings pehni hui thi aur mein bala si khubsurat lag rhi thi mujhe dekhkar bf ne smile di aur mujhe ek kiss diya phir hm nikal pare. Car chalte chalte ek ghar ke pass ruki mere bf ne bataya ki ye uska farm house hai aaj yahin time pass karenge aur hm andar chale gye.Ghar band tha bahar se so bf ne chabi nikalkar lock khola aur ham andar aa gye ghar.
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