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-Phyllis DillerThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.-Phyllis DillerHis finest hour lasted a minute and a half.-Phyllis DillerOld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.-Phyllis DillerMy photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.-Phyllis DillerI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.-Phyllis DillerTranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.-Phyllis DillerI asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'-Phyllis DillerThe reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.-Phyllis DillerYou know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.-Phyllis DillerBest senior pick up line:A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.He was in his mid nineties.He was very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his. Then they called his name. He kept eye contact and kept smiling as he stepped over at took the cup. With coffee in hand he walked to her table. She kept smiling. ‘Hello,’ he said. ‘Hi,’ she responded. ‘We keep running into each other.’ ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I come here most days.’ ‘Well, I just started. May I sit down for a minute?’ He nodded at the chair next to her. ‘Please.’ He sat his cup on the table, slid the chair back a little and sat. ‘My name in Joseph.’ ‘I’m Randi,’ she replied. ‘Spelled with an ‘i’.’ ‘Of course it is,’ he said with a little laugh. She giggled at him. It was an honest-to-god giggle. ‘That’s the way my mother and father spelled it.’ ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I meant no offense. It just fit you.’ ‘How so?’ ‘It’s cute, and so are you.’ He leaned back just a little. She leaned forward just a little. She might have blushed a little. ‘You are very complimentary. Just like the other day.’ ‘My father always told me to speak what you mean, clearly and concisely. You have.
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