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It was just enough to allow me to pull myself up and grab onto the side of the pool. I believe that incident contributed to several panic attacks that I experienced later in my adult life.As we were swimming across the river, I began to panic when I saw that the river was carrying us downstream. I yelled for Chad and soon felt his strong arms encircle me. His powerful legs helped propel us both toward the opposite shore.Here was a man who had given me every wish that his resources could provide. He had supported me unquestioningly on the writing and production of the book. He had selflessly denied himself his personal wishes in order to see my dreams come true.The more I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe it was my attitude that was at fault here and not Chad's. Maybe I was the one living in a fantasy world and I was overlooking the incredible man who was always there beside me. He was always looking out for my well being.As I mentally weighed the pros and cons in my. You must have some idea why I did what I did that Saturday. I was dying and I did not want to go from this world longing for another minute, another hour with my children and grand children. I did not want to see the pain of losing me in your eyes every day. I had asked for all of you to be informed of my death immediately so that you could see me for the last time and forgive me for turning you away. I always wanted to make myself believe that I was a senile bitter man but I knew in my heart I was a broken man who was waiting for his death ever since the day he lost his children. Trust me when I tell you that I would have accepted all of you, even Darin, had you come to me before I found out about my terminal illness. Now that you will inherit my estate you will realize that despite having two big ass televisions in the house, and a house that was wired for sound, I never had cable TV or DVD movies nor did I have a single music CD. All colour, all music were snatched from my life.
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