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Something was going to happen. It was a feeling that came from my soul with certainty.We were nearly done with dinner, close enough apparently, because he stood, took my hand and led me out of the dining room. He stopped in the kitchen for the bottle of bourbon and two glasses, then led me out onto the patio. We sat me in a chair and moved another directly in front of mine, not five feet away. It was different, sitting directly in front of each other this way. There was nowhere else to look but at each other. We sipped our drinks and spoke occasionally, but about nothing. Then, I realized what the thing was. He wasn’t leading or directing or assisting the conversation. He was letting me take it or not. And, in the process, I felt the weight of the attention totally focused on me, whether it was my body exposed to him or any conversation I might try to generate. The effect had me flustered. My conversational attempts were futile and went nowhere, having little effect on diverting the. I doubted he had been as energetic as Mike had been but then perhaps he had strengths he had never demonstrated to me. I suppose that in a way, from then on we developed an unspoken agreement between us – that what either of us got up to when I was away was ‘private territory’. Often one or the other would make a special effort either the night before I went away or my first night home, not always, but more often than not. I guess in doing that we were convincing the other – and perhaps ourselves as well – that this was the permanent part of our lives, the other events were a side-show. The freedom I and in fact I suppose, we had given ourselves changed my attitude to my job in several ways. For one thing I was less reluctant to be away for two or three days, previously I had often tried to cram several things into one day, so I could get home to John at night. Now I gave myself as much time as I thought the job really needed, so of course I began to get better results, the clients.
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