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A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.He paused for a moment and then started to leave.The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'Lemon SqueezeThere once was a religious young woman who went toConfession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be. I never had to compete for girl-friends, never had to do the wooing or chat-ups, worry about how I looked, wearing the latest fashions or my haircut. Never needed to know what to do or being able to perform – if I saw a lovely girl the only thing I wanted to do was find ways of watching Her, hopefully for long enough for Her to make me cum in my pants – 3 or 4 minutes maybe. The real problem was being a compulsive masturbator. That meant seeing a lovely girl would drive me crazy and one way or another I’d have to spunk with my eyes on Her, even if that meant wetting my underpants in the canteen at work, or pressing up outside Her office as I watched Her through the window. It meant going everywhere in my rainmac with holes in the pockets, and whenever I could, in my wank-trousers, which were baggy, absorbent material to soak up the cum and holes in the pockets for instant access as soon as a girl came into view. Even so I’d got no control over what I’d see and when or for how long,.
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