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There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!A hooker once told me she had a headache.I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’ She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.I was. I didn't want to hug her or tell her goodbye. Seeing that I wasn't going to get up and come to her, Joyce came around the side of my desk and kissed me softly on my cheek."Goodbye, Kenny. I love you."I didn't say anything. If I had said anything, it wouldn't have helped my cause in the least. I watched her leave, thinking that her leaving marked the end of the very best part of my life. I felt sure that significant personality change was extremely unlikely for me. More than that, I believed I was much closer to being like my old self had been than any of them were giving me credit for. Even if what I'd become had turned out to be unsatisfactory to all my wives, I still believed it was enough for me to remain close to my parents, and to my children.I knew one thing, and that was that I had to keep working at the business, performing well enough so that they would realize that, whether I was changed too much or not, I was still a valuable resource for the family.One positive thing I.
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