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Triage and healingIt would have been nice to have watched the TV coverage of Brandon’s perp walk, but Sue and I had more important things to concentrate on, namely rebuilding the damage to our love and marriage.We both had things we needed to face up to and address. I needed to own the fact that my stupidity and addiction could well have cost me my marriage. It had certainly caused me huge pain and worse than this, I hated how it had hurt Sue so much.I’d been through a lot of guilt and ‘beating myself up’ during those terrible few days. But Sue now had to deal with her own feelings of guilt and blame. At first, she could hardly look at herself or bear to think about her own part in what had happened.All these years I’ve known her, Sue has always been her own worst critic. Knowing this, even though I did feel some residual anger at how she’d behaved, I didn’t want to direct this anger onto her. I knew there was no point. She was already hurting enough. It was written on her face. It. Why are you being so cruel?’ ‘Because you and Ralph were being so foolish. You didn’t think. Neither of you thought. You don’t know me, you don’t know Carol. We turned up delivering some toys you ordered so you assumed that we were safe. We could have been running a scam, casing your house for a robbery or I could be a serial killer.’ ‘Is she testing Ralph like this?’ ‘Of course.’ Paul stood up and walked around the bed, gazed carefully for a few seconds between her legs. ‘You’ve dried up. Now what can that mean? I think you love Ralph a lot and the thought of Carol seducing him is frightening. You don’t want to lose him. Good, some important lessons learned I think. Mmmm?’ He walked slowly to the box in the corner that contained the delivery of sex toys. After a few seconds rummaging he returned with a riding crop. He walked around the bed brandishing it, swished it through the air a few times and then smiled. ‘Fascinating. Several drips but somehow I don’t think we need it. We.
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