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I believe my uncle noticed the change in me, and when he realized he was in fact pleasing me instead of hurting me, he stopped. For him, the erotic feeling stemmed from taking and not giving. My nature had been corrupted and by railing against him, I found my own pleasure. Many will deem this story sick beyond the most twisted angle, but I am determined that I am not insane, just "dirty" or "tainted" by the world's standards. It was a relief when his rapes ended, but he left a black mark on me that will never fade. I have an insatiable desire for men ten to twenty years my senior, and fighting against the man fucking me roughly and harshly is the best height I can reach. I want nothing more, at this stage in my life than to be degraded as used as my dominant partner pleases. The outside of me is very dominant. I am a Sophomore in college, an honors student, a published poet. I am five feet eleven inches tall and a formidable figure to men my age. The sexual me is a submissive kitten. On my feet werewhite canvas shoes. Mom allowed me to wear a little mascara and pink lip-gloss and warned me that a girl my age shouldn't even be wearing that. Myhair had just been style and I looked perfect. I hoped the other studentsthought so too.Mom drove me to Auburn and pulled the car up to the front of the schoolto let me off."I'll be here when you finish sweetheart," she said, and I realized shewas crying."Mom, what's wrong?" I'm sorry Amanda, I never thought I would be dropping off my daughterfor her first day of school. I'm just a little emotional, that's all." Oh Mom," I said, and gave her a hug."Go on now or you'll be late. I'll see you at three fifteen." I love you Mom," I said, as I exited the car.As I walked to the front entry my apprehension grew. I was the new kid onthe block, and I didn't know anyone at this school. To make things worseI could feel everyone staring at me, girls and boys. I remembered what itwas like when a new student attended my old school for the.
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