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............What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had. " Says Jodi looking down. "Why what's up?" I ask worried. "He's been spending almost all of his free time finding work, its getting him stressed out! I asked him why he wanted a job and he snapped at me about prying into his personal business." She says a little tearful. "I'm slowly losing my baby." She says. I take her hand in mine and say "Jodi your not losing him, he's just having trouble coping with the stress of the big bad world. He may not admit it but he wants help." Jodi nods and says "But I asked to help and he said no!" "He doesn't need someone to ask him if he wants help, he needs people to help him. Whether he asks for it or not." My words have an impact and she nods lightly. At that moment Katy comes down from her room wrapped in the towel I gave her last night. She has a cheesy grin on her face as she approaches. Before she sits down she slaps me on the back of the head. "You asshole!" She says smiling. "Do you know how sore I am? I could've used a warning." I smile.
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