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"I have decided to settle for continuing to interact with him in any way that is possible to do so, whether that means I only get to talk to him once a week or even once a year. I have elected to watch him live his life with a person I know is not right for him and I have chosen to keep my mouth shut about my feelings indefinitely not matter how much it eats away at me. The worst part is that not a single one of my desires has waned. Not one has become less intense, or less aggravating, in the past weeks regardless of any logic I have tried to force myself to acknowledge. I thought the dreams of him would cease if we ended things but I could not have been more wrong. The sensual ones are what haunt me the most and make me feel the most shameful. I have spent many hours reminising about all of the fantasies we used to play through, remembering all the ways his words would send a fire throughout my body. All the while slowly killing myself with each memory that I dredge up.I recalled,. "Aye, aye, Commander, come to stab'd and speed for four knots, head topass the point by four chains." You was in the bloody navy in your past life," insisted Emma."Get her to dance a hornpipe," said Faye.Will and Andy had turned to see what I was up to and I pointed. "Overthere, it's just coming into view," and as I spoke the entrance to theinlet began to open up and everybody stood and looked open mouthed."It's well hidden, none of our blokes spotted it," said the cox'n."Want me to head straight in?" Wait a sec, I'll have to ask Lt. Bryant." I walked up the boat andstopped halfway. "Are you going straight in, Andy." Yes but ask the cox'n to keep the speed like this, the entrance looksto be near a hundred and fifty metres wide but there may be rocks closeto the surface, we'll have to feel our way in." I'll go up and stand on the decking at the bow if you like." No, Will and I will do that, can you stay with the cox'n."I went back to my post. "Stay as we are for the moment, the.
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