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"This sounds like a lot of bullshit," she declared. "Did you go to a doctor or something?"I thought about that a minute. That would have been a fun visit. See, Doc, what happened was I ran into Santa Claus, see, and... I decided not to answer her directly."If you had heard that you lived the last three years that I did, would you want them back? I swear, Tanya, I can't remember anything between 2003 and 2006. Like being carried around the cafeteria. It sounds like something I would do. Or really, more like something I would have done last year. But I have absolutely no memory of it. I was a colossal asshole for three years, but to me, the me that's here with you, it never happened." You know," I tried lightening the mood a little, "as far as I know, I was a virgin at the beginning of the year." Oh, that's stupid," Tanya said heatedly. "You had like a dozen girlfriends."I looked at her and she blushed. It pleased me, in an odd way, that she'd made some sort of effort to find that. "I'd throw it in his face. I was so bloody miserable then."The following day, Monday, was Albert's funeral. I expected it to be a grim affair and so it was. It revealed the sad but perhaps unsurprising truth that Albert had indeed been a man without friends. Mr Lucas the solicitor put in an appearance but apart from him I was the only mourner unconnected with Albert's employer. Even my precious Wendy let me down. She had booked the day off but on Friday one of her colleagues had kindly gone sick and left her with some emergency to cope with (she worked at the head office of a big retailer). So I was left to make small talk with a smattering of Albert's scientific colleagues and a couple of management types.We kept the formalities brief. Someone from the company made a short speech about Albert's brilliance and unwavering dedication to scientific truth; then I followed with some suitably lapidary remarks recalling his disdain for wealth and fame and praising his single-minded.
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