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And then, even now, her mind isn’t really on the day or the man as it should be, but on that beautiful beast down in the barn.She lies there in the bed, resisting the urge to scramble out of it and race downstairs, out the door and to the barn. She wants to have the stallion in her mouth again. She wants to fulfill her dream even more. But the feeling is ominous because she isn’t sure it will be like her dream or something totally different. The thought of having Rick and Tommy there could be as exciting as the dream was, yet at the same time, not having either there could be just as fun. The only thing she fears is Blackie not fitting in her. She’s afraid of something going wrong and her getting hurt. She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. She hates indecision. She hates the unknown. It’s why she is still on the farm, why she hasn’t run away, why she hasn’t tried to manipulate her way into one of those random guy’s lives. How easy would it be to go home with one of those men. I feltheartbroken that they didn't see that I was actually telling them, ortrying to tell them my plight of being transgender. I blame myself now as Ididn't tell them that up front.The only thing that I told them was that I needed help. Without knowingwhat to do now and not caring I went to the police station in Odessa andbluntly told the dispatcher that If I didn't get help that I was going tokill either myself or someone else. With that they took me by ambulance toTruman West Medical Hospital. I was rushed up to the Psyciatric ward on thethird floor where they stripped me of everything that could have thepotential of harming myself or others. To make this part of the story short the trip to the hospital allowed me tobe free of any obligations for a few weeks but that was all the help theycould give. They couldn't treat me because they had no way of knowing thatI was a trenssexual. I never told any of them. With all that went on I think that there were three things that saved mefrom.
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