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This part was very liberating and exciting. Nonetheless, when I took out or answered an ad, I felt adrenalized, even shaking. Why did I force myself to do this? If they responded, I was excited, yet terrified. If they didn’t, I felt disappointed and discouraged, but relieved. If I accepted, I would think about it all day, with a knot in my stomach. Yet, when it came time to meet, I half felt like canceling or bailing out, but did not do so. When we did meet, I was just fine, after all, I had done this before, and enjoyed it, so what’s the big deal? I decided to give it one last try, do everything, satisfy my curiosity, and get it out of my system once and for all. Then the need would be fulfilled, and I could get on with my straight life. Eventually, I met a man on Craigslist. I felt panicky, yet determined to see it through. I knew full well that I didn’t have to go through with it, and hoped he would cancel so I wouldn’t have to. I spent the day thinking about it, working myself. But he denied. It means I have to live on my and Pankaj income only. I didn’t take it seriously. I know I am going to survive this war and prove that Pankaj is the best person.The day has come and it’s my official first night with him.I did wax and shave my body. Before marriage I never allow Pankaj to kiss me. I wore a nice sexy saree and was excited about the night. The room was decorated with rose petals and beautiful perfume. Finally, we both got the space and Pankaj hugged me tightly. I feel relaxed and kissed for some time.He was nude in less than 5 minutes and his dick was larger than Chaitu. Pankaj is 6 feet tall with good build-up. His physical appearance was better than Chaitu and I thought he will impress me. But he couldn’t impress me. Throughout the night he was searching pussy hole even though I guided him.I understand that he was a virgin and never fucked a girl in 34 years. I felt happy and I thought he can fuck me after 10-15 days. Unfortunately, my official first.
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