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Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector.”And what were you thinking?I worry about you sometimes!For ALL You GolfersOne morning, three women are golfing when suddenly a man runs by wearing nothing but a bag over his head.As he passes by the first woman, she looks down and says, “Well he’s certainly not my husband”. As he passes the second woman, she also glances downwards and says “He’s not mine either”.Then he passes by the third woman who also checks out his lower parts and says, “Wait a minute ... he’s not even a member of this club!”Let this be a lesson to us all ... if you can figure out which lesson should be to us all!!!! A couple of valuable lessons here... SocratesKeep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about. Let me ask you something… do you still have my ‘souvenir?’” She said.“Yes, I do.”“What if I said… one last time, for old’s time’s sake? One last fuck.”“Okay. Cool. Why one last time?” I said.“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” She said, biting her lip. “I miss you” I texted the next day with the most charm that I had. She texted back: “Horny?” Then a selfie of her with the “duck face”. I texted back subsequently: “Wanna find out?” With a picture of my sweats from the front. She later came to get me in her slightly used car that afternoon.“Where we going?” I said.“To my place. My son hasn’t gotten out of school yet.”“Oh…” I replied.“Chad, you know the thing I said I was going to tell you today?”“Yeah,” I said.A few seconds later, the three words escaped from her lips that brings me to mourn:“I'm getting married.”“Congrats,” I said with manners. “When’s the wedding?”“Next year.”I had a myriad of emotions running through my head. Confusion, anger, lust, jealousy. I mentally prepared to delete.
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