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She told me that she did suspect as the conversation was very revealing. She knew how hard it was to come out and say it. “Be proud that not only do you dress but that you have admitted it to me,” Sarah said supportively. “It’s ok, really it is. You are not alone. There are many people who do the same.” She told me that I had to pick a girly name for myself as that was what ‘we’ do. I started thinking about it and then decided that I liked the name ‘Lucy Lou.’ We also talked about certain aspects of the whole cross-dressing thing. How and when I started, what I wore, and was there ever any sexual element to it. It was uplifting and I felt so relieved. We decided that we would talk in a day or so after I had got my head around the fact that I was no longer alone. I put the phone down and sat there dazed for about five minutes. I actually felt really turned on that my dressing had gone up a stage. I immediately went to my bedroom and opened my case with my clothes in it and started to. Then one day I decided I could wait no longer – it was now or never – and so here I sit, stomach churning, batting out short texts tracking him down the motorway. Oh my God, I’d done it, I’d invited him to my home. What was I thinking! What do I wear? What do I say? Will he like me? Will I like him? No going back! Then I hear the yard gate and know its too late — he’s arrived! Using all my inner strength I open the door and plaster on a smile. Phew it’s ok, he is still the lovely sweet man who had been chatting to me on the phone trying to figure out my needs and wants. I make coffee and we talked for an hour, how I regretted that hour now. Next time I’ll have him spank as soon he steps in through the door, heck I’ll even open the door in the buff. Even now I can’t explain why I want to be punished, why I want to submit and have him standing over me. He tells me that sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts, about accepting.
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