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It only pissed me off more at how clever he and mom were in giving me the least destructive food and drink possible.Hours and hours and hours passed as I laid half conscious on my bed. Ean must have been doing the same silently on the floor. I was so hungry and so thirsty. I had to use the bathroom.A short while later, my mom silently walked in setting another ham sandwich and juice box down before leaving again. I stared only into my pillow as she did it. I waited maybe ten minutes before I heard the rattling of someone finishing off a juice box. Instantly I turned to my dresser but found my food still there. That was when I realized that my mom must have brought Ean a meal too. It was also when it hit me that Ean was the father; it was his baby as well. His baby died inside of me. That just gave me another reason to hate every possible thing in my life. That food I so much wanted to eat just became out of the question. How could I eat after not only losing my own baby, but Ean’s. She wanted more than anything to settle her stomach so she could start holding it and squishing it between her fingers and smearing it around. She wondered if Mrs. Reeves would let her.Her conflicted emotions were fading. She began to feel like she normally did at the height of her playtime, when she was alone and overcome with lust. Her mind no longer wondered if she was wrong or bad or dirty. She didn’t fear she’d go to hell. It wasn’t about that anymore. She decided she could trust her teacher, she could believe her. Mrs. Reeves was an adult. She knew how the world worked, and she wasn’t afraid to tell Melanie the things her parents were too uptight to talk about. If everyone else knew it was OK to fool around with their own bodies in private, then why couldn’t she? Why shouldn’t she?Eventually, Melanie found her voice. Coughing a little, she said, “You feel nice.”Mrs. Reeves chuckled, coughed, and kissed the top of her head. Tipping the girl’s chin up toward her, the older woman.
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