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." she stammered."Get off my property, you damn fine sexy bitch, you!"At that moment, a black 1991 Lexus LS400 with 4-wheel suspension, an on-board stereo, dual exhaust pipes, anti-rust warranty package, and a 6-year or 50,000 mile guarantee, pulled up to the curb. Two girls dressed entirely in black jumped out and ran right towards me. My only thought was, "Wow, they're really well organized!"Now, when two ninja chicks pull up and try to jump you, you don't stand there with your mouth wide open like a freshwater bass waiting to be caught. No! You run like your ass is on fire! And run I did. But they were much, much faster than me. Fortunately, they both tripped over the same tree root and I was able to make my escape. But as I ran around the corner, I lost my footing and fell into... COSMIC PLOT HOLE(tm)!I awoke, tied to a bed. Both my arms were tied with square knots, while my feet were fastened with half-hitches. Where the rope or the bed or me came from, I do not know. The room. Where do you want to meet?" Where are you?"I looked around. Downtown was a busy as it always was."Ohio and Michigan, downtown." I'll be there in a bit. Stay there."Ten minutes later, an Audi drove up, and the driver honked at me. I looked once, then looked again. It was Shelly, but she had changed dramatically. She opened the door for me, and I slid into the seat next to her. We drove off."I am going to say what I have to say before you speak," she said, much more forcefully than I ever remember her speaking."My name is not Shelly. My name is Denice Vanderhoff. My parents are both dead," she took a sudden turn, pressing me into the door, "but they control me still using a trust fund and an asshole of a estate administrator. I was not supposed to date or have sex with anyone until I turned 18," another turn, this time, I had to lean towards her, "or I would get nothing. My 18th birthday was a month ago. I figure if you are calling me this early," she turned and smiled at me, making me.
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