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✧ ✧ ✧A Large group of people is called a “No Thanks.”✧ ✧ ✧I had my patience tested. I’m negative.✧ ✧ ✧To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it. ✧ ✧ ✧Cop, “Please step out of the car.”Me, “I’m too drunk, you get in.” ✧ ✧ ✧When I say “the other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.✧ ✧ ✧I don’t mean to interrupt people; I just randomly remember things and get really excited.✧ ✧ ✧When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.✧ ✧ ✧I finally got 8 hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.✧ ✧ ✧Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.✧ ✧ ✧Sixty might be the new forty but 9:00 is the new midnight.✧ ✧ ✧Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Me: I’d rather not ... I kinda want this job.✧ ✧ ✧When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear??”✧ ✧ ✧If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the. " OK! Good! Next question! Are you going to stay tonight? I don't know what time you have to be in for work tomorrow but the train takes an hour and forty minutes to Waterloo. You may want to go home first so it looks like being an early start either way. Don't worry about me. I don't have to leave till nine." I know what I'd like to do and that's to ring in sick tomorrow but too many people do that on a Monday and I've always thought that they were behaving selfishly. So I'm afraid I must go tonight. I need to get to work by half past eight and I do need to go home first which would mean leaving here at about six which is much too early for both of us." Alright! I must say my preference would be yours but you're right in what you say. So I'll put you on a train when we've eaten. Finally, it's going to be twenty minutes before the pizzas are ready. Would you like to phone your mother?" Could I really?" Of course! Just take the phone through to the sitting room while I muddle about in.
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