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” “Shit! You think some beginner can get that thing in? On their first go?” “Oh really now sweetie,” he said, reverting a bit to his Queer Eye mode. “That’s not such a major-sized toy. It’s average.” “Average?” I exclaimed. “I figured that’s where we’d top this project out at.” “What do you mean?” he challenged me, looking put out. “You think the biggest plug in the set is for show or something?” I swallowed hard and said, doubtfully, “Uhm, yeah.” But he just burst out laughing. “Actually, no. As your Ass Coach I can assure you that in a week’s time you WILL be wearing the largest plug– and with pleasure too.” I trotted out a couple of feeble, theatrical laughs. He gave me a steely-eyed look. “What’s so funny?” he demanded quietly, not at all Queer Eye-like. I blushed furiously, already feeling like an moron trying to squirm out of this with sophomoric humor. “Erm, ‘assure’ has the word, uh, ‘ass’ in it.” Idiot. He nodded his head slowly from side to side. “We have our work cut out.. 50," the drivertold me, "but give me fifteen quid and we'll call it quits. I haven'thad any 'girls' as rides for a while so use the change to have a drinkon me." I thanked him profusely and, on an impulse leaned into the caband kissed him on the forehead -- leaving a bright red lipstick mark.Now it was his turn to blush as he drove away.Hannah and I went into the pub. It was typically Edwardian, with one bigbar taking up the whole of the ground floor. This was filled withtables, most of them occupied with diners. "I thought we might fuel uphere first," Hannah said. "The food is really rather good." As I lookedaround I noticed several other 'girls' eating in pairs and small groups.One rather raucous table of ten were attracting quite a few smiles fromthe other diners. But these weren't all trannies. There were severaltables occupied by mixed couples. "This pub is quite on the touristtrail now," Hannah whispered. "Lots of tourists come here to take a lookat the girls. It allows them to.
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