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I'd depend on my passionfor my work to be my crutch, my distraction. I'd get to the heart ofthis story...even if the story was me.It started out as a private documentary. But, shit, I didn't know whatto do with my life now. I wasn't sure if I'd ever share this withanyone. I wasn't sure where my life was going.I was lost. I felt like an incredible fraud. I felt like a mysticalfreak of nature. I had none of the support intrinsic in the Mongculture. . . . . .I finally had to tell someone. It was Jim, one of my editors, a goodfriend, who I'd shared several global and barroom adventures with. I'dgiven him a sketchy outline of the Laotian story before I'd left. Now,over the phone, my female voice confirmed what I was trying to tellinghim, but it didn't convince him. I told Jim I was scared and felt veryfucked up. I told him there was proof and how he could see my privatev-blog. I gave him an email address to contact me.He'd written at 3 a.m.: "Fuck, Mike! It happened,. It was a fair way away, about 20 minutes, enough for me to consider turning back more than once. The roads were quiet, so there was no chance to lose them even though they were belting along over the limit. When we got there we tracked a long way along the beach and then I was introduced to whomever heard them shout "Hey, meet the beer-guy, we brought him with us!" to which there was a ripple of applause. That marked the full journey of my friendship with those guys, after that they left me to my own devices.I was a few years older than most of the people I could see. Most of the guys running around were at a stage in life where they needed to prove to their mates how much of an idiot they were. I also had the advantage of coming sober to a drunken environment. Mind you, they were having a great time being fools. It was a genuinely good, friendly party.People were outside on the beach, the shack in the background was dark. Good thinking if you want less damage. There was one main fire.
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