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Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart...Dear Mrs. Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.5.. “What’s so funny?” he asked lightly, wanting to be in on the joke.I shook my head. “Nothing specifically,” I told him, gently taking his hand. “It just feels good to be here with you like this. The past few months haven’t been all that pleasant. Tonight feels like the start of something new.”“It is,” he told me and the simple conviction in his voice filled me with certainty.This was a new beginning. I shivered with anticipation and savored the feeling. “Cheryl has to be the dumbest waste of skin in our school,” I shook my head. “I hope to Christ that her baby is smarter than her.”He smiled at me and pulled me into his lap, kissing me deeply. “Planning on telling her that she messed up?” he asked softly. He wasn’t normally vindictive, but she’d put a world of hurt on him and he had to want a little payback, even if he couldn’t bring himself to do it himself.“I think so,” I told him. “I’m more pissed at her than you are. You want to forgive her and put it behind you. I want to bust her.
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