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.. with a bottle of gin ‘Cos St Peter won’t let ... no spirits inOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... on water skis ‘Cos the angels don’t ... like those hairy kneesOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... with powder and paint ‘Cos it makes you look ... like what you ain’tOh you’ll never get to Heaven ... in a strapless gown ‘Cos a strapless gown ... might fall right down”There were many more verses than I’ve listed here. Eventually, Fred strummed a final chord, and rested the guitar.Once we had got our own breath back, we praised him, asking him how the heck he remembered quite so many of the verses.“Partly practice, partly having that sort of memory, and partly cheating - why do you think I got Vee to start a few? I’m not quite as green as I am cabbage looking!”We laughed. The lad had a real sense of humour, and didn’t take himself too seriously. I could get to like him!Fred was the lucky owner of a very pleasant singing voice, but it was Vee who had really surprised me.I suppose that I had. Goddam Tony DiClemente. By far, the biggest douchebag in their circle of friends and acquaintances. Until this moment, hate would have been too strong a word, but Peter had always felt contempt toward this guy. He was a Wall Street hedge fund manager and he fit the profile. He was handsome, tall, and carried himself like a total prick. He was the kind of guy that put on a big show of being a family man, but talked trash behind his wife’s back. After he was a few belts deep on the golf course, or standing around the barbecue with the guys, he bragged about fucking the interns at his office and banging strippers with clients on business trips. If you looked up “misogynist” in the dictionary, you would find his picture. Ellie and I had made fun of what a complete asshole this guy was! What the hell is she doing? Peter was frozen. He wanted to kill the guy. Or just get the hell out of there. But some part of him was frozen, needing to see what happened next. Instead of “fight,” or.
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