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He asked, “Why are you crying you have such a nice car?” and the man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates.”Phone Operator: “G’day mate ... Helpline here ... What’s the problem?”Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stung on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”Customer: “Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”These are compliments of Gary H.Disturbing Beer News.Yesterday, University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:1) Gained weight.2) Talked excessively without making sense.3) Became overly. My car insurance, cell phone, garbage bill, mechanic repairs, speeding ticket... all unpaid. I opened up my laptop and checked my credit union balance, but I already knew what I was going to see. I felt a sense of dread as I looked: $4.33. Twenty-six years old, and I still spend my money like it's an allowance from my father. I called him up."Julianne, I'm sorry. I'm tapped out, and won't have anything to give you for a while," he told me. "Come stay with me if you need time to get back on your--" It's alright, I'm not that far behind on my bills, and I have some stuff I need to sell that's valuable anyway," I lied. "I've got to go dad, I love you."Everything of value I owned had been sold two months ago, and my dad is my only lean-to. At least I had enough for cigarettes. I slunk down beside my bed and stared at the wall for a good twenty minutes before I decided to go through with it. It wasn't like me at all. I stood up, looked down at my tits, bent my head around to look at my.
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