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If his ideal were bisexual, she'd likely end up going the whole wayand becoming a man-hating pain-in-the-arse femo-nazi dyke, hesupposed. He wanted his ideal to really want men, he realised. (Specificallyhim, he lusted. Fat chance!) He chose seventy-five per cent"straight" and twenty-five per cent "lesbian". She'll be definitelyheterosexual, then (as far as the website determined it), but onlyjust. He felt another thrill of arousal. That bit was fun! he thought.The next page came up. It said "Religion", and gave options. Derek made a double take. How bizarre! he thought. Where is thisheading? He clicked "next".'Please select religion before proceeding,' said the pop up message.He scratched his head. Okay then. A drop down menu gave the choices. There were a lot of them. Heconsidered "none", "new age", "pagan", "Wicca" and "Buddhism". Hetried to imagine her views on religion. He pictured the high schoolgirl with her womanhood at last in full bloom and ready to embark onwanton sexual. ‘It would be just as effective to sing the National Anthem. Antibiotics don’t work against viruses.’ ‘Now you’re a doctor?’ I should have anticipated the answer. ‘I read a book.’ ‘Do something,’ I said. I hurt. ‘I do have something very effective against the flu.’ ‘Good. Get it. What is it?’ ‘Placebo. I have some in the kitchen.’ I didn’t know whether to laugh or be angry. ‘I know what a placebo is. How dumb do you think I am?’ ‘I just thought you might be too sick to notice. But placebos actually do work. Sometimes they work better than the medication they’re being tested against.’ He was serious. I wasn’t about to ask again. The answer was a book. ‘But how can it work when I know it’s a placebo?’ ‘Do you? Maybe I told you it’s a placebo but it’s the real thing. Then when it works, you’ll begin to believe in placebos. ‘Next time, when I use a bona fide placebo, your mind will have fooled you into thinking they work, so it will work. ‘But what if it really is a placebo and I told you.
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