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I felt so guilty atsurviving while all friends were dead. So guilty at having my friends body parts attached to me. For some reason, I felt as if I were to blame. As if I were the one who caused their deaths. I knew that this wasn't true, but knowing something and believing it aren't always the same thing. I don't know how much longer I would have been able to keep up,to survive. In spite of the doctors who tried to help me, I wasstarting to seriously consider killing myself, of finishing the job thatGod must have meant to do earlier. I felt as if somehow I'd cheatedfate and was now paying for it, with the only way to find peace being tocorrect that mistake. Suicide was beginning to sound very good to me, and I might evenhave done it if I hadn't met Sylvia. I was sitting in my apartment, drinking a beer and staring at apicture of Theresa. I looked down at my finger, seeing that I still worethe engagement ring that I'd given her. It would always remind me. I was never so happy to return a rental car safely in my life. So you’re flying into Albany?”“Yes by way of Chicago. I almost flew to LaGuardia and took a bus so I could avoid the connection but changed my mind at the last minute. You heading to Bangor?”“I am, stopping in Chicago too. Nobody flies to Bangor non-stop. Are we on the same plane to Chicago? Mine is at Gate H9.”“Darn,” she pouted. I am at H4. What time do you leave?”“4:30 if the weather in Chicago holds out. I heard it was getting bad.”As if on cue, both our phones buzzed or dinged with incoming text messages. Chicago weather was not good, my connecting flight was delayed until 4:30AM, Eliza’s until 4:10AM. As our flights were arriving in Chicago around 11:00, we were in for a long night in O’Hare. “It’s going to be a bore at O’Hare. Want to go drinking when we arrive? Let’s meet at that Mexican place on K Concourse. You know the one?”There were worse fates than to spend a late-night layover at the airport.
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