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I didn't want to go behind your back. I didn't want to deceive you. I never for a moment wanted to humiliate or belittle you. It just never entered my mind. But I did, didn't I. I did humiliate and belittle you. Just telling you what I wanted was enough, wasn't it."I looked at Howard carefully. I don't know what kind of reaction I expected, but he remained calm and composed. I pushed on."I don't know how to tell you how ashamed I am of what I have done to you and how sorry I am. I know an apology is not enough. Ginny has recommended a psychiatrist that she says can help me. I do need help to understand why I behaved the way I did. I will call her next week to see if she will accept me as a patient."You must know by now that I will do anything to preserve our marriage. I love you with all my heart and I can't imagine my life without you. I am begging you to give me another chance. I will agree to anything that will keep us together. Anything!"Ginny suggested marriage counseling. I'm. Iwould make her my secret computer screen shot.I had purposely not bought any cigarettes when I'd gone out earlier, butdecided to go back out for some. I rushed back to my apartment with anidea that occurred to me. I stayed up most of the night going throughthe videos, doing some editing, posting them. I had decided to create asite of her, or for her. At some point it occurred to me to tie it intoa porno network. I created a sequence of videos, set up a story. Onlysubscribers could see this. That's sort of secret, right?I got up around 10 and threw myself back into my work. I was at it untilnearly 7. Two days and my girlfriend will be back. We'd talked twicealready now. She was still somewhat angry but it seemed I had smoothedit out for the most part. On Saturday we were going to meet anothercouple we knew. I told her I missed her. The apartment was all cleaned up. I'd done laundry too. I watched someTV. I got up and turned on my computer. I smoked.I was very.
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