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We had a fine circle of friends.I thought nothing could spoil my happiness.When I was 44 things began to change. I guess it was a version of a midlife crisis, and it took several weeks to coalesce; but when it did, I was consumed.I wanted to know about who came before me.I tried to ask her, in several clumsy ways. Either she did not get it, or she shut me out. Nothing would get her to open up.Finally one evening I was particularly peevish. I had been picking fights for several evenings, but this one evening I was really a prick. (I relate this not to justify my actions, nor to elicit sympathy; I'm merely facing what I did.)Finally she said, "Dammit, what the hell is wrong with you?"She never swore. I had hit the right nerve, but it left me feeling too guilty. For reasons I don't understand, I simply sat in my easy chair and wept.She seemed genuinely horrified. She knelt at my side and said, "Baby, please, I love you, what's wrong?"I composed myself as best I could, and said, "I'm. Certainly I wasn’t expecting to come back here, Jada can tell this from my face and she gestures me to sit, I sink onto my bed, and she takes the chair at my desk turning around to look at me. ‘The pain is something you feel you are ready face this soon after being separated from your body ?’ All I can do is nod, she stands and suddenly the serious of events rolls through my mind another montage of my breathing twenty years. Four year old me is waiting bundled up in her winter coat. Today is the day my father comes to visit me. He doesn’t usually but that doesn’t mean I don’t wait all the same. The door bell rings and I feel the excitement I felt sixteen years ago, innocent anticipation only a little child could have. The younger me bursts through the front door of the tiny apartment shouting an over-joyed greeting to…the paperboy. The child me is crestfallen, and I feel that inside all over again and seeing this scene replayed made me remember why things like this stuck with you.
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