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She had coffee brewing and the kitchen smelled like I remembered when I was growing up. On the stove was sizzling bacon and scrambled eggs. I sat down at the table quietly and buried my head in the newspaper. Frankly I was embarrassed about what had happened last night ... if it happened at all. I couldn't believe my mother would actual jerk me off."Good morning," my mother said."Uh, good morning, Mom," I said sheepishly."Did you sleep well last night?" she asked."Uh ... yeah, sure. How about you?" Great. Especially after our talk," she answered.For a moment I thought she was talking about the discussion about the gay magazine. But then she said, "I was so worried about telling you about being pregnant. But you made me feel so much better." Well, I'm glad I could help." It did, more than you know," she said as she walked over and hugged me.I felt her breasts press to my shoulder and the now familiar stirring began in my groin and the scene from last night flashed into my mind. Stop. (It seemed alittle ludicrous that I actually missed my little Mazda.)I was returned to all the male trappings of a male life. My bodystill felt awful and awkward. It probably wasn't very feminist of mebut I found hair in my armpits gross. Hair everywhere on my bodyfrankly disgusted me. I missed my soft smooth skin. I missed mysmallness and slenderness.I hated what I had become. Which was simply what I had been. It justwasn't right for me now.I could heed Mr Black's words.I could fix it.I'd thought about it. In fact at times it seemed like all I couldthink about. It would be easy enough to prescribe myself hormones,and I was fortunate enough to be able to afford the surgery. But nomatter what I did I could never truly be Alex Moore again.And that was really what I wanted.I wanted to go back to my happy life that was now beyond my reach.I had waited I guess. To see if I would grow to accept being AlexTurner again. Some sort of equilibrium restored.But how much longer should I.
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