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It started as my little black book, as a way to keep track so I wouldn't inadvertently say something to the wrong guy or girl. But as it grew, it became a monument to past accomplishments and I hated to let it go. Okay, I was, am, a horn dog. I admit to it.The number was actually eighty-six. I realize that puts me way out on the bell curve. I just read a recent CDC study on American's sexual habits. The average man has had eight sex partners. I'm at ten times the average. What is funny is that women in the study have only had four partners. Now, if you can do simple math, like me, you realize that if women have had four, men eight, something doesn't work. It has to be, one woman, one man to make the math work. Until you take into account that, another study that found women, even anonymously, cut in half their sexual activity on sex studies. They lie even if no one will know it was them. Then the numbers add up. Women have had eight sexual partners just like men; they simply lie. Heavyremovable braces for over my teeth. She even had some injectable fluid(it wasn't considered important for me to know what it was) that wouldtemporarily give me puffy lips.I was hoping for something less extreme, so I meekly suggested, "You couldgive me freckles." Hmmm. Not a bad idea. And I just got this." She picked up a cosmeticmarker. "It's something new. Put it on and it lasts for an entire week."Oh no. If she did that I would have to go out with big cartoon spots onmy face. It was bad enough already, never knowing what sort of eyebrowsshe would pencil in on any day. But Sylvie loved to take me shopping withher. I got to wear male clothes, but they were always too bright and tootight. I've put on a few pounds since I passed my prime and she takesadvantage of the fact that my bottom has gotten fuller and rounder. In apair of snug slacks, red or tan-bordering-on-flesh-tone, I'm quite asight. Walking through the mall alongside my taller wife, I alwaysattract.
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