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I existed forthe mockery of others so that they could feel good about themselves. Icould feel the witnesses to my humiliation all thinking to themselves,'At least I'm not the Jones' boy.'From that moment forward, I resolved to never be that thing again. Idevoted myself to proving to my family that I was a boy. Iovercompensated in every way possible. I played every contact sportthere was. I went out with my friends and harassed and beat upeffeminate guys. I scored with as many girls as possible before I gotmarried. I treated all women like meat until my daughter was born.After all that, I could not believe that I had to deal with it again. Ifelt that this was a sick joke played on me by a higher power. I hadspent my whole adult life denying this side of me so I wouldn't have todeal with it, and then my son goes and brings back the memories and themeaning of my urges.I wondered what I could say to him. I had spent most of my life livingwith my own self-loathing because of what I. My girlfriend and I found our way to the bar and ordered drinks. We were actually enjoying ourselves, even though this was different for us. We sat at the stool and enjoyed our drinks. After finishing them, my girlfriend took me by the hand and lead me down to the dance floor. I was not a dancer, never had been, but I joined her and tried to act like I was doing something. Five minutes later, the band quit playing and started putting up their instruments and an emcee came on stage. The emcee actually saved me from showing off my very bad dancing skills.My girlfriend and I were beginning to have a very good time and we just stood there listening to the emcee. “Ladies and gentlemen, give a big hand to our house band, we all know they are great, but you didn’t come to see them tonight now did you?” he asked the large crowd.We watched him ask and hold the microphone out to the crowd. We did not say anything, but the audience, who were obviously regulars, sure answered him in loud “NO.”.
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