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Why you ask? Because Isensed that I had upset her from the look in her eyes and sure enoughmoments later Susan said "Don't be so rude. I take the trouble to buyyou an expensive present and this is how you thank me, Mark?"You see Susan had been prescribed antidepressants and I was now lettingher have her way on most things as I wanted to help speed up herrecovery. I didn't want to upset her.Also, so she didn't feel on her own with her pills, I had resolved totake them too even though I didn't need them. It had increased mysuggestibility or in other words made me more likely to comply withSusan's requests than I realized at the time. But I hear you askingwouldn't Susan also have been more prone to comply with my requests too?Ah that was the beauty of her plan, you see, I did not realize thatSusan had been back to the Doctor's and been told she didn't needmedication after all. Susan saw this as an opportunity to takeadvantage of me and get me into lingerie.So when she said "Go. As a protective wing I put my arm over her and stroking her back repeatedly until she stops talking, so the silence returns in the bedroom.Her arm across my chest feels warm and I follow with a finger the vertical and horizontal scars on her wrists. Fading wounds of an earlier life, an unhappy life. Although these physical scars fade some wounds remain open. Even if she seek professional help, it takes time until these wounds have a place in her life and she has regained her self-confidence and faith in the rest of the world.I love to touch her naked body when I see her in the shower but I'm worried about her when I see her scrubbing her body furiously because she thinks she is dirty. She knows that I enjoy when she is lying beside me on the sofa, feeling her warm body and smell her scent but I grieve with her when she spontaneously bursts into tears over an old sore memory. She knows I have fun when I see her half-dressed for the wardrobe, frustrated because she does not know what.
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