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So ... I guess I needed a girlfriend, someone I could be intimate with and make love to. That wasn't her." And did you find a girlfriend?" Molly didn't sound jealous, just curious.I chuckled. "More a series of women freshly wounded by recent relationships ending, sort of sharing each other's losses I guess. Rebounds." Not a good place to start." Nope." And you never realized Fanny loved you?" As a friend, maybe, but ... I think she needed you in my life first, Molly." How so?" She never told me how fond she was of me, just like I never told her how fond I was of her, because it wasn't safe. She'll always be a free spirit, never to be held down by a conventional relationship. She doesn't want to be caught and trapped. If she finds a new boy toy to play with, she doesn't want some asshole telling her not to. At the same time, she wants to be loved the way I love her and you love her. She needs that closeness, and it hurt because she hadn't had it before except with me I guess. I think. A month later, I'd learned most of it and was practicing, andafter another month I was accustomed to it all and found Ipreferred some of it to my former ways. I even loved some of it. I found after some anguished embarrassment that I lovedwearing women's clothes. I looked forward to picking out adifferent outfit to wear each morning, appropriate to whatever wewere planning that day, and then picking out matching accessories. In no time I had a sure eye for mixing, matching, and coordinating. Men's clothes seemed so monotonous in comparison! And the clothesalways felt sensuous, hugging, clinging, draping, floating over melike feathers, some nubby and some silky smooth. Being a girlcould be lots of fun! When I forgot, Ray always reminded me. I always slept at home. "This is my house and Ray's," Melissasaid, "Though you're free to invite Ray to visit with you and tospend the night, any time. That's any grown girl's prerogativewith her boy friend. As I've told you,.
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