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” Now she giggles.That fear of not having enough luck in life—Adrianne has been a bit obsessed with it lately. You prove to yourself who you are, your first experiences define you, or better said, tell you who you really are, what you are made of; and if they indicate you’re a loser. It’s hard to change course. You try and fail, getting only deeper into the determined tracks. And then it’s over. Beginnings are important; first memories stay with you forever. Somehow this theory speaks to me, while at the same time giving me some kind of a terror. So what now-unlucky people will be great at what they do in their later lives? There will always be this stingy feeling in them that they were losers: once a loser always a loser. They are ‘marked’. And when they were doing whatever they were, other dudes had the time of their lives.This is the philosophy of a girl who was raised to be perfect, in everything: smart, ambitious, well mannered, beautiful. That’s how rich and sophisticated. I didn't even noticed back then why was him from any other, but it was because he was really feminine, had really gentle and soft factions and a very slim body... But he was a jerk in the bottom. I'm not going to get in details, but he made me feel really bad about myself in plenty of ways. We broke up in a month, but I had the scars for years. By my twenties, my life was awful. I was a shut down, spending my whole days sleeping, playing videogames and watching cartoons. Not just because that jerk, I was just... felling empty, alone, and out of place.I moved away from my parents when the relationship in my house got kinda awkward. They knew that I was failling in school, tryied to talk and such, but and I dind't wanted to talk about it. I was totally closed in myself and it went worse and worse.I only went for food at night, and I always got horribly nervous when there was more than 3 people at the convenience. I cried to sleep most of my nights... it was awful. Years later, one day,.
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