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You’ve made it clear you don’t mind me in any room of your apartment. The first time you led me around your bed to show me that bedroom window leak I stood, transfixed at your beautiful wardrobe…both the giant wooden piece of furniture standing opposite the foot of your bed and the amazing clothes inside it. You stood there and granted me permission to pull out piece after piece and look at it. So I know you’ll let me do what I’m about to do…“Now this gallery is like...trendy, but classy...” I walk straight into your bedroom, expecting you to follow me, not even turning around to see if you did.“You cant be too edgy or you offend the money who wants to buy…so you gotta be.... magnetic.... radiant...but not slutty...hmmmm...” I’m not sure if I’m talking more to myself or more to you, sliding hangers side to side as I go.I pull out what I’m convinced is the perfect piece and turn around to see you, smiling (of course) leaning against the doorframe. But…your eyes aren’t even on the. The lock is really released by a codedradio signal from a satellite. If there is no definitive wedding date, onthe actual day, once the pastor enters the marriage into the officiallegal record of marriages electronically, the belt is automaticallyunlocked."I had gone through all of this, the sex change and everything fornothing. "So," I complained, "I'm stuck like this for the unforeseeablefuture?" Well, not necessarily," said Mandy. "It was good that Jack and I decidedto have a trial run of living together. We've decided to delay gettingmarried for a while and, so as not to waste all that money, David saidyou would be delighted to step in as the happy couple. Every thing's beenarranged and, of course, you even have the perfect wedding dress ready towear for the happy occasion."This just couldn't be true. I was now supposed to be the one gettingmarried."Yes," said my mother excitedly. "Your father and I have booked and paidfor your honeymoon as a present. Two weeks in a bridal suite.
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