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So he was surplus more or less.Right about then I should have been wondering why he was hanging out with me. I know the guys at the farm were wondering. They were pretty much letting me run with it, in order to see what impact it would have on my ability to perform the tasks required of me.In other words we all agreed that this was not the place for a confrontation. It was not time for the inevitable battle of the wills. It might or might not ever happen, but something like Bill, wouldn't be the issue that caused it. At least neither the farm not I had strong enough feelings to go to the mats for Bill at that time.The time passed with Bill trying to explain some formula for figuring stress he was trying to understand. Do you want to understand what he is saying, came the thought in my head.Not just no. but hell no, I answered without answering."Time to pick up the pizza, you want me to walk down with you?" I asked."No, it's only two blocks and it's cold as hell out there," he said.I. It was totally bizarre to be ten and realize I was in love with a grown-up man, that I knew in my soul it wasn’t puppy love or a crush, and that I would love him forever. It was carved in stone. It was in the positions of the stars. Those things were set and constant, and so was my heart.I sympathized with Aileen because I knew what she was feeling, but I also was a mom, trying to keep my daughter from growing up too fast. She is a different person. She wasn’t picked by the planner. Perhaps her love is only a crush. It was so difficult to be the mom trying to protect her, and yet understanding being in love with an older man and all the associated feelings completely.I didn’t have The Planner insisting Aileen wait until she was fourteen, so I always told her the law was the law, and that’s the way things were. That got her from ten to fourteen, with me stalling my horny daughter every time she cried on my shoulder, telling me how much she loved and needed her father. Thank goodness.
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