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I sort of recall walking and strutting in front of the mirror, running my hands over my body like a man would…. This continued for about two years, until I had a flash of self-disgust/guilt/religion when I disposed of it, the first of my many purges. Things were pretty vanilla for a couple of years after that first purge. Football, wrestling, girls, school and working part-time jobs in the winter and working on the family farms in the summer filled that slot. I can vividly remember the depressive bouts I had, not seeming to fit in, not ever seeming to maintain a relationship with a girl for long. I have fought these waves of depression all my life. I had my first drink on my 15th birthday and soon after that, cousins and uncles were handing me beers as I was “becoming a man.” It was about this time…timelines get fuzzy because of the booze…that I saw my first she-male in an edition of Club Magazine. I was mesmerized. She was so hot and I wanted her, to be like her. I kept that. So like any other idiot I picked up a few rocks and decided to help them. Those kids soon left but my cousins and I continued doing our best to help them tear the greenhouses. Even when Hank pulled up and got out of his car, I didn’t stop. ‘Having fun Steve?’ he asked puffing on a Camel straight cigarette. You see Hank and my dad knew each other pretty well. My dad sold insurance and was always having to deal with Hank because of an accident, house fire and things like that. ‘Just helping them tear these buildings down,’ I told him as I picked up about five rocks and let them fly. The sound of busting glass was like music to my young boy’s ears. I saw him go back to his car but didn’t pay him a mind because I was having the time of my life. ‘Boys, we seem to have a bit of a problem,’ is how he phrased it. The next thing I knew the three of us were in the back seat of Hank’s police car. I guess he called my dad at work and told him I was in trouble again. All he said when he let me.
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