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Because people will find out. People find out that Johnny the bum did something. Do you know how many people are named John? And I’m not around anymore. Where did I go? Who knows, nobody knows enough about me to even hazard a guess. Which is not even possible since I move more or less at random.Oh, I said I’d tell you what I look like. When I left home so many years ago, I was probably a good-looking bloke. I was tall and somewhat athletic. I had a nice face, or so people told me. I wasn’t exactly Brad Pitt here. I had blonde hair and blue eyes and I looked like your all-American kid.Now, I’m different. Bums get into fights, and I’ve had my share. My nose is flatter, wider, and clearly broken. One of my ears is a cauliflower. I’ve done a lot of hard labor just to make ends meet. If I were to wear a dress shirt, I’d need a 22” neck. I don’t get the opportunity to shave often, and I developed a liking for having facial hair. It varies in how trimmed it is. It can be a year in between. . role-shifting, this'expanding of our horizons' as she called it. Becoming each other tobetter understand each other was how she'd put it. Meaning, me morelike her. How many months ago? Has it been a year? Each night formore than a year spent sleeping in earphones, listening to recordedrelaxation music and soothing, reassuring female voices. Even when Iwas on the road, staying in motels. If I missed even one I'd feelterrible, as if I'd betrayed her, so I never dared miss one. It hadbecome a routine. Each evening after dinner I'd practice something oranother, moving or sounding or looking the ways she showed me, and thenwe'd go to bed and she'd ask me a few questions and I'd answer them theway I remembered I should. Then I'd put on my earphones and the musicand voices would begin, providing me with those answers again, and I'dsleep soundly.It worked! For years I'd had trouble falling asleep. I'd been feelingguilty, sometimes for ignoring her, sometimes for not satisfying.
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