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The only difference was, I was no teen, by twenty years. Also my gushy novel had a real hero and not some impossible pretty boy idiot who could only exist between the pages of a book.When he spilled coffee on himself, I almost cried. But then I dared to lead him into the bathroom and apply burn lotion to it and hold it and feel it grow really hard in my hand It was then I all at once had no will of my own. I looked up at him and silently asked, all defenses down, "Please, don't hurt me, please." And he didn't.Instead, he took his lovely thing out of my hand and held me and kissed me and I was his forever and ever. I was thirty-nine years old before I finally learned what intense feelings a man could arouse in a woman if he was the right man. I knew what an earthy thing love was and could be and ought to be.I would have been happy to merely sit on the couch with him forever, when we heard a loud crash come from next door. I ran and got him a bath towel like he asked and followed him. ‘Great just what I need another confession,’ I thought, but I said, “And what is your confession?” “I don’t live in Billings; I just still have my number from there,” he admitted. “Ok, well where do you live?” I asked as I looked to him curiously. “I live next door to you, but it seems I was right. You haven’t paid much attention to us,” he said sounding dejected. I turned away from him with my mind reeling. ‘Next door, what the hell,’ I thought. I trolled my memories and it was then I realized why he had looked familiar. I had not paid much attention to the family that moved in next door over a year ago, but their son looked about two and was really cute. I remember thinking that she was pretty, but never seemed to like being there. They have been quiet and I never saw a reason to talk to them. “Why did you lie to me?” I finally asked as I turned to face him. “I never expected for you to know who I was. I was content watching you from afar,” he said looking down at his lap. I looked.
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