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You question yourself. It took me monthsto be intimate with him again and it caused a lot of problems. Evenwhen I thought I was over the hump, I wasn't.Diary Entry: July 2008We had it out again tonight. That makes six times in the last sevendays or something. All of these fights. I can't take it. I don'tblame the guy when I think about it. I really don't. He signed up fora good-time girl and he got Debbie Downer. I totally understand. Ijust have a major block on this right now. I used to be so open andfree and sexual, to the point where I was pretty much up for gettingfucked every single second of every single day. And now, I just can'tseem to do it. I feel like my pussy is dirty or something. I don'tknow. I need to see somebody.End Diary EntryDiary Entry: July 2008Well, I did it. It came from a good place. Ryan and I kissed like wehadn't kissed in months and then one thing led to another and he carriedme up to the bedroom and laid me down and we fooled around and. So after staring at the thing for months, I sucked it up and learned how to run it. It cleaned up real nice, and it turned out it wasn't that big a deal to take care of. OK, so I'd proved it worked, so now we can sell it.The patio the tub sits on isn't completely private. The next door neighbour has a clear view, although since their house sits quite a bit higher than ours, they'd have to deliberately look. At night, if everyone's lights are out, fine, you've got privacy, but if they have lots of lights on, it lights up our yard pretty good.One of my longstanding fantasies has been to have sex outside. Not to be deliberately seen, but just to spice things up with a bit of risk. I never expected to realize that fantasy because (1) my wife and I take the marriage vow of "forsaking all others" seriously, and (2) Cecily is the most modest person this side of the Victorian era. (That's not to say she's a prude - lock the bedroom door, close the blinds, and she's everything you could ask.
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