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I knowI'm not really pretty..." Don't be so hard on yourself girl," Maryellen interjected.Steve smiled and continued, "Thanks, but, anyway, I knew that a manshould not want to be pretty or even cute. I knew that men didn't wantthat. I started calling myself a fag in my head, repeatedly. I'm not gayor anything, but I couldn't help but to think.... I kind of felt that byenjoying my femininity I was betraying my manliness, whatever amount ofthat I ever really had. I figured that the happiness I felt en femmemeant that I wasn't really a man, so I concluded that I had to be whatsociety thought that men that dress up are.I felt that, despite how much I love the feeling of a woman's clothing onmy skin. The silkiness, the softness, it just can't be topped or rivaledby anything in the men's department. Even though heels are bitch, youknow, I still love the way look on me. The pain is definitely worth it.But as much as I enjoyed dressing up and passing myself off as a womanwhen I was doing it,. We watched Jennifer prepare lunch in silence.When lunch was ready, we all helped serve our plates and sat down. Karen prayed and we dug in. The food was good. The conversation wasn’t in some ways. We talked about our lives before the vanishing. I found out that Karen was a widow for three years when her husband had been killed in a workplace accident. Lisa had been married and her husband and kids had vanished. Jennifer had lost her fiance.Karen asked me again what I planned to do. I said, “I am going back to Augusta. Bert and Ed are making plans to survive. I plan to help them and learn. The three of us foresee a day when there will be no electricity and no fuel available. We will prepare for that day. They both said that they will welcome people. They realize like I do that we need to build a community.”Karen said, “When would you leave?”“If it’s just me, then I will leave after we finish eating. If any or all of you want to come, I will wait while you pack. No matter what you do,.
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