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He never buys anyone a drink. All he does, all night long, is sit in the booth licking his eyebrows.”bobw40 ‎ contributions, with thanksAn Old Pilot’s Wisdom... I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn’t show, I threw it open for questions.The last one asked was, “Can you give us a couple of your life’s philosophical beliefs?”I said, “That’s an easy one. Looking back over my lifetime, I’ve spent most of my money on guns, airplanes, fast cars, women and whiskey. The rest I just wasted.”I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:1) If it flies, floats, or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent it.2) If it’s got tits or tires, you’re gonna have problems with it.I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish They need to know this shit!mixerman478 ‎is responsible for the following, many. Mainly because she was being a total mode killer and I lost my boner. I blindly came out of the bathroom naked with a little pre-cum on my dick, with my phone still playing porn. When my mom walked out of her room at the same time. I walked out naked because my parents wear to busy fucking each other's brains out most of the time. My mom just gave me a smile and said " you should really get some sleep Derek, you have school tommarow" I smiled back at her and replied " will do mom. Are you waiting on round two for dad " She gave a little chuckle and walked off to the kitchen to get some chess cake. Our family is really cool about that kind of stuff. They know what I do and I know what they do. It's a pretty good relationship. As I hopped into bed Jordan texted me again Jordan: DEREK !!!! Me: sorry I was busy Jordan: what jacking off, anyways we need to talk Me:about? Jordan: it has to be in person can we talk Me:when?Jordan: right now dumbass Me: fine I'll be out in a couple miniutes.
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