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I was wide awake. My wife told her how I cried when she asked me to give up my books. My daughter told her that she’s moving too fast and she needs to give me time to get settled. I’m going “oh fuck! this is me they’re talking about.” After a while they quit talking and decided they needed to “wake me up” as my daughter had some where to go. I got to hold my grandson again while she was getting ready. My wife was playing with our grandaughter in another part of the house. I held him as tears streamed down my face. I realized how much of his life I’m going to miss.I’ve had a trip planned for several months and it looks like it will be canceled due to the seizures. I’m not safe for driving the amount of time necessary to get there. It’s a festival that’s only held every two years. My daughter is going to see if she can take us. That’s another reason I’m upset. I’ve really looked forward to this and if I don’t go this time I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that I’ll be in a. When we reached his house, he pulled into the driveway while I parked in the street, and then followed him into the house. I kicked off my shoes once we got inside, and as he turned to lock the door, I turned around and debated on what to do one last time as my trembling fingers found the front of my jeans.This is my last chance to change my mind, I thought to myself. If I do this, it will change everything. Do I really want to do this or not?My head swirled with guilt and frustration, but something had to give. I made up my mind and quickly pulled my jeans and my panties down around my ankles before I had a chance to talk myself out of it again. I stripped off my pants and folded them up before putting them on the kitchen table and turned around to find him standing there watching me.I froze like a deer transfixed in the headlights as the realization that it was really going to happen this time sank in. I didn't know if he thought I was really serious about having sex with him,.
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