He lit it and then lit one for himself. We both sat on the side of the bed and smoked quietly. When I was done, Bobby put it out for me and I laid back flat across the bed. Stoned and a little buzzed from the alcohol, I stared at the ceiling. The x was starting to kick in. It felt like every hair on my body was standing on end. Bobby put his cigarette out and lay back beside me. "Man, I'm fucked up." "So am I." I rubbed my face. We lay there in stoned silence for a couple more minutes before I blurted, "You wanna fuck?" He sat up. "Where the hell did that come from?" "Oh come on. You can't tell me you haven't thought about it." I sat up beside him. "We're both single. It could be fun." "Yeah, sex is fun, but aren't you a virgin?"." "That depends on your definition of 'virgin'. I popped my own cherry with a vibrator a while back, but I've never had sex." I turned to him and smiled. "You could be my first." "Are you sure you want to do this? It's not just the x?" . Stan didn’t even look at me after I was done with my job. He only took his way to the bathroom. I covered myself with a quilt waiting for my turn. He showered, and, without saying a single word to me, switched the light off and fell asleep. I was on the edge of bursting out with tears. I went for a quick shower and of course I washed my face and brushed my teeth. The cheeks were rosy and eyes constantly filled with blocked dews. I knew what I wanted. A cigarette. I’ve never smoked, but who cared. I put on the jeans, a loose shirt, a coat, the only flat shoes I had, and I sneaked out of the room. At the hotel lobby I ordered a pack of the perfumed fags and a matchbox I didn’t even know how to use, but I knew I liked the odor. After a few failed attempts I finally succeed to light one and accept the deadly smoke to keep bothering my used throat. I coughed with fear I’d throw all the sperm up on that cherry wood table. My whole body ached, but I felt like I was hit on the face – several.
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