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All my fantasies at that time were just happening deep inside my mind where I was constantly thinking of myself as a girl. I was imagining what that would be like. I also felt very excited about it all and wanted desperately to be a girl.Then when my father became convinced I was TS, everything just got going according to agreed plans. I was asked about how I was feeling as the plan proceeded and all that, but I just never told them the truth! So everything kept on going.In hindsight I have always had a strong fascination or even a powerful sexual excitement about my physical change from a male to a female. I think this was the main reason why I wanted so much to become a female.Although I never told this to anyone, it was even existing as a powerful motive to my gender change ambitions when they began and this strong sexual feeling kept me going right through my transition. That was despite the crazy fact that I realised quite early on that I didn't really want to go through with. My sister was half right in the fact I was dying to have a fuck but not quite for the reason she thought. I took another step and then heard her simply say “Paul?” the question in her voice obvious.“What?” I answered as I took another couple of steps.“Are you a virgin?” she asked without any hint of accusation.Too damned smart I thought to myself as I once again stopped remaining silent as no words came to me to answer the question. I knew any denial I made she would see through instantly as my cheeks burned with embarrassment.“Oh!” she replied to my silence, “But Lucy…. I thought… I knew you were. You weren’t; fuck!”I heard Christy sit down heavily and I turned to see her staring absent-mindedly at the opposite side of the gazebo. Part of me just wanted to march away and hide in my bedroom and I almost did but then she turned her head and looked at me and there was no judgment in her eyes, just love.I’d half expected derision but instead, she reached out her hand and I found myself.
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