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He asked my name and we made small talk for a little while and then there was quite a bit of innuendo and I realised we were flirting. I was incredibly turned on by this especially when it became obvious he was coming onto me. He would gently rub my bum or put his arm around me. I loved the attention and the several glasses of champagne he plied me with made me lose my inhabitations. After an hour or so of standing my feet were getting a little sore and I was dying for a cigarette. Paul explained that he actually lived at the house where the party was in a bungalow out the back. He said I could have a sit and a smoke out there if I wanted to. I thought why not and we slipped out into his room.For a bungalow it was roomy with a single bed, a TV and fridge and a leather couch. The place was tasteful and the bedside lamp which was on gave enough light without making it bright.We sat on the couch together, not too close and taking the wait of my feet was great although I left my shoes on.. Lets just seehow good you really are, if you really want to be a girl, or are youjust one of those freaks that likes to play with women's clothes?"The challenge was there, all I had to do was take it. I called thelawyer the minute I got home. What I heard and what was said however wasdifferent. I heard "if you really want to be a girl." What Pick meantwas, was I strong enough to be a girl, regardless of what anyone said.Did I have the courage to defy social logic. By the time I got home Iwas still buried in self doubt, my bandaged wounds reminding me thatpeople still could not accept someone that is different. Yet going toschool dressed as a girl was what I always wanted, even though it was along held fantasy that just could not happen. When I mentioned it to momover dinner that night she told me that I had only two choices. One, bemyself, and if that meant being a girl then I should do it, or two,continue to bathe myself in doubt and self incrimination, hating myselfevery day for.
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