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It’s fun to call him...”Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.-- Steven WrightWhen will all the rhetorical questions end?We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don’t we have inchage?Bumper Sticker:If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.The other day, I was walking my dog around my building ... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.-- Steven WrightStudies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion are people who already have been born.What’s dumb? Directions on toilet paper.What’s dumber than that? Reading them.Even dumber? Reading them and learning something.Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.As usual, his model reported, and after. My Uncle Jack here brought me.” Victoria looked at the man standing beside Jimmy, and felt her face flush. He was about her age, tall, and sported a flat-top haircut that accented his strong chin and lanky face. She was staring into his deep grey eyes when she heard a far-away voice say, “Hello, I’m Jimmy’s Uncle Jack, Jack Morton, that is”. She finally remembered that she should say something. She was able to stammer, “I – I’m Miss Francis…Victoria, Jimmy’s teacher. Pleased to meet you. I’m so proud of Jimmy. It’s a shame his parents couldn’t come tonight, but it’s wonderful that you made it.” “Jimmy and I go way back, don’t we, old buddy?” He patted Jimmy on the head and Jimmy looked embarrassed. “Jimmy’s my only nephew, and, well, we do lots of stuff together. I wouldn’t have missed this for all the money in the world.” He turned to Jimmy. “Well pardner, we better get you home to bed. You still have another day of school before Christmas, and you know what I always say about.
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