Jeff was quietly enjoying the journey as well. Wasn’t he? I couldn’t tell from the look on his face. He looked like he might be distracted. Was I just thinking too much? I needed to get a little perspective here. Despite all the supposedly fabulous men I had dated, I had never really had a boyfriend. Shocking, isn’t it? What was the value in having a boyfriend? I could get a quality date whenever I wanted, to do whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted. I could have as little or as much sex as I wanted, and whatever kind I wanted. I could have complete control over any situation. A boyfriend would feel entitled to make demands on my time, on my attention, to have some say in the relationship. What did I need that for when I could get everything I wanted at no cost? Maybe this wasn’t love and forever after, maybe it was just infatuation. Perhaps I had just been caught up in the moment. It was a most excellent moment to be sure, but a moment nonetheless. I loved being with Jeff, but I. But I knew I was disappointed when I felt him pull his face away from mine. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a look in his dazzling eyes that I cant even explain. It wasn’t naughtiness, happiness, regret, anger, sadness or any other emotion I knew. Instinct, however, led me to the conclusion that he was in pain. If not agony. He watched my face intensely and I watched back, listening to his ragged breathing and searching his eyes for clues. I felt the cold wall leave my back and concluded he must be moving backward – back into my living area. He kept my legs around his waist and didn’t take his intense gaze off my face as he gently sat down on my sofa. I desperately tried to think of what to do next until I heard him speak. ‘Honey, I’m sorry.’ He said it as though it was the only thing in the world he was sure of. And I was flooded with embarrassment as I realised he must regret his actions. I certainly didn’t but I didn’t want him to feel bad for something that was so breathtaking..
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