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I don't write speeches, and I sure as hell never practiced delivering one. If there's a speech fairy out there somewhere, she's a mean and spiteful bitch. She has this spear and when she jabs you, you just start talking. I admit I didn't have a plan, other than to get it all out, so Chris could go "Ewwwwww" and run screaming from the car, yelling that she never wanted to see me again. But I couldn't even break up rationally. Here is what I said."I've been looking for this woman, because I feel in my gut she's my soul mate, except that I didn't know who she was, and then I bumped into you by accident and you're not her, but you helped me with the dog door, and you're so beautiful and I really tried to just be a pretend boyfriend, except that when you kissed me like that I thought I'd lose my mind and after that all I could think of was those kisses, and how it feels when you hug me, and I was going crazy because I pretended to have asthma even though I don't because all it is is that. You're crazy about him and it would seem that he's crazy about you. You dress special for him, you act different when you are going to meet him for your projects. When you talk about him you have the special little smile that only I could recognize. So, again, what exactly is the problem? To coin an old phrase: 'Follow your heart', Susie."See? Daddy had a way with things. That's why I always asked him. Mom would take hours and I'd walk away all confused."Where's Mom?" Helping Aunty Mae with her new baby."It suddenly dawned on me that, when I followed my dad's eyes, I'd left one too many buttons loose on the shirt. He saw me look at him peeking at my mostly exposed breast and said, "I told you, a devout pervert."I kissed him on the cheek and left Dad to his work. I just narrowly dodged another attempt to swat my bare butt. I thought that maybe I should've given him one more try."I love you Daddy." Then, "Daddy?" What, Baby?" I like Dave a whole bunch." Not enough to marry him and have.
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