“They’re playing,” she would respond, or, “We just got in from the back yard,” and finally, “They are asleep.” “How is your date?” Rachel inquired. “It’s going great,” I replied. “Don’t wait up for me.” I gave Rachel the spare bedroom and it became her sanctuary from all the hustle and bustle of taking care of the kids. It had been almost a year since the divorce. I was lonely and sad, but content that I didn’t have to deal with the “wicked witch from the west” anymore. She had moved on. I felt bad for our kids, but I figured over time, they would come to understand the truth and why their parents weren’t together. Right now, I only wanted to make sure they were cared for and that they knew I would be there for them on my weekends. I also wanted to find another soul mate, someone who might share in the joys of both motherhood and putting up with me. The house was quiet when I got home. I peeked in on Rachel and she was curled up in a ball on her bed. She had on a long pink t-shirt. … ‘Short, bald, fat, ugly, broke guy with small penis seeks tall, thin woman, teeth optional, for correspondence and possible relationship. Round heeled slut preferred, but simple promiscuity accepted. Must be willing to give and receive verbal abuse. Don’t need to like you, fuck loving you. I just need to get my rocks off. My name is Stumpy, for obvious reasons.’ I put a picture of Baldy, one of the seven dwarfs from the Disney cartoon production, and signed off. ‘That should settle that’ I thought, as I sipped my straight rye whiskey. … Sometimes I hate my Mom. She was holding the dating service card, waving it in front of me. ‘Come on, what have you got to lose? You haven’t exactly met anyone close to Mr. Right in your social circle, have you?’ I hated her even more when she was right. I was six feet tall and weighed two hundred and ten pounds. I liked to describe myself as someone the painter Reuben would have loved to use as a model. My ex was two inches shorter than me without.
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