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I couldn’t reason. When Mark talked to me, all I heard were incomprehensible sounds that were lost in the screeching noises already filling me. I wanted to hear him but I could not. It’s so very hard to remember the things I did. I try, I need to comprehend them so I can get better but there’s nothing to hold on to. Everything that went on in those days…in the months, they feel like they happened to someone else…except I was there…watching me do them. Doctor Jamison nods when I say these things. She says she understands what I talk about, but she can’t really. No one can. Sometimes, it’s like I will explode and all the pieces of me will fly apart to lay scattered on the ground. I don’t know where all this will end. I think I will end some day and then things will be peaceful again. ******** It’s been three months now…three months since Mark and I talked to Doctor Jamison in her office. I’m better now. I’m not afraid anymore when Doctor Jamison wants to put me into what she calls a. ‘Your come tastes so good,’ she said. ‘I love it.’ ‘Well, I’m glad I could share it with you,’ I said. It was mid-afternoon by the time I left Miriam’s place. The sun was out and as I headed downtown to the main drag, the streets got was busier with people shopping and hanging out at the sidewalk patios, girls in shorts and halter tops everywhere I looked. I had my leather jacket slung over my shoulder and I dug my sunglasses out of the pocket. As I watched people going in and out of the stores and walking by carrying bags, I couldn’t help wondering at the wisdom of my decision not to open on Saturdays, but then I had only arrived at that decision after spending a summer of weekends in the shop and never seeing more than a couple of people a day, if even that some weeks. There just wasn’t enough business when the students were away and anyways, a guy needs a life, don’t he? Nonetheless, when I got to the shop I went inside, but only because I needed a piss and the bottle of aspirin.
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